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10 March 2009 @ 01:15 am
Wow, not posted in a while. I dunno why since I have alot to say. XD

Those usually I ramble inside my head when I have something in my mind and forget it the next day or too scared to actually write it down. I dunno.

Anyway, I'll write a proper blog when I can be arsed. Currently have cosplays this week, got to finish a comission and I have to prepare for a uni interview. Yippee!

So. Ya. Busy. Bye bye!
Current Mood: blankblank
21 June 2007 @ 01:03 pm
Hokay, so I dunno wither I'm truly depressed or not right now. All I know is that I feel VERY iffy, VERY stressed and my confidence has been kicked out the window when out in public.

Reasons for this may be that I had learnt on Monday my Grandad has Cancer (Not a good kind) and has also suffered a blood clot in the lungs which by the looks of my family death history, is the something that finished them off. Lovely. All I can do is hope for the best and pray to God he gets through this.

Secondly, my Dog is being put down today. This I have mixed feelings for because during the past year or so I haven't got on very well with him. Well.. I guess I have but being growled at constantly and him actually going for parts of me is something I will be glad to not experience anymore. As bad as that sounds, I actually grew very afraid of my dog.

Which isn't good. lol;; But despite all that I will miss him terribly. He was the only... Creature that offered me comfort dueing my break up with Worthy. That was a really terrible day and Khurt was the only one who came and sat by me. He also looked after me if that doesn't sounds too weird. Like he didn't want me going outside in the dark alone.

It probably wasn't something to do with me, but it's a nice thought thinking your dog loves you that much.

But it's for the best he goes. He's very antisocial and most of my friends are scared of him and dont want to come round. He's gone for random people and has also broken a girl's ankle when he escaped through the front door. Even when my parents took him for a walk, he nearly went for a little boy who was only coming up to stroke the pretty doggy.

So.. Ya... Although he's a big lug around the house and a lovable teddy bear, he's not really house dog material. (He was orginally a Guard Dog for a shop we owned, but sadly had to get rid of due to many many problems.)

I feel like crying about it, but I dunno. I just can't. It's the same with if people I know die, I just don't cry for some odd reason. It's not that I'm not sad they have died it's just... I can't really explain it.

When my Grandad died (my Dad's Dad), I didn't cry. I was shocked I suppose. I would just sit around school feeling depressed but I still got on with things. But saying that, on my birthday, which was also my Grandad's birthday, I did cry. Thinking about it now, I realise how much I miss him and I can't even look at a photo with feeling sad inside.

I dunno wither it would be the same with Khurt since he's a dog, but I dunno. There's going to be an atmosphere when I get home, I know it, but atleast I'm not gonna be the one to see it happening.

Bleh... I dunno what else to put, I feel like crying a little now, but I'm not going to.

Looking forward to Friday though, going to Birkenhead to see Sam. I'll probably be a little off at first and very nervous like I was on Monday. But I should open up quickly again.

Not sure why I felt like that. Probably excited to see him yet feeling off because of my Grandad. Not sure if I like that feeling in my chest. lol I still had a great time with him though. He brightens up my day whenever I talk to him. Like some kind of drug.


Anyway, Over and out peeps~

P.S. - REALLY need to draw more *Weeps*
Current Mood: stressedstressed
14 June 2007 @ 12:48 pm
Hokaaaay, haven't posted one of these in a while!

Erm.... Where to start?

I've just recently started going out with an incredibly awesome Guy I must say I've had an IIIIIICKLE crush on since Last Tokonatsu. He also now has a name to put to the handsome face instead of just being called "The Reno Guy". Ja, I don't think I actually knew his name till 3 weeks before the Cosplay Competition in Manchester, mainly because he added me then and we started talking.

ANYWHO! We actually met face to face again at the competition and I have to say I was really nervously excited to meet him, since that was the only reason I went to the comp. (And maybe to try and win an XBox with my cosplay, but who needs all the details? Lol!)

I couldn't of won anyway since the people at the store had changed the times of entering so we were too late to enter! (Damn college and Ip's need to get into cosplay before hand! Also Worthy's last minute cosplay ofcosplaying Raito.. Stupid boys.) It was a shame we didn't get into the comp since I had actually took the day off college to finish working on my costume, but I was happy anyway cause we had a great time and I got to meet Sam again. I was almost REALLY disappointed when I thought he wasn't there at all, because I couldn't see him and I was expecting him to be Zidane in the compition line. But alas, no Ziddy was there. Luckily Charmew was there and phoned him, he was in the crowd all along and I just couldn't see him.

We got quite a bit of attention from the crowd, even though we weren't in the comp. It's a shame Leon didn't win the Games catergory though, since his was actually the best costume... >.> *Cough* Not that Axel hadn't tried or anything, I really liked the Chakra's she made.

I wanna do an Axel Cosplay.... Actually, Demyx I would love to do and get Sam to be Xigbar so we can Yaoi. LOL *SHOT*

Anyway, carrying on with what I was saying. We all had a great time and we made new friends and became closer, blah blah blah. We all got the same train together, we missed our stop because the train doors wouldn't open and Ip basically left us while he went home. We were stuck outside this really creepy area till 2 in the morning... *Shudders*

After that, my family got the net back (it had been killed for a week D: ) I got to talk to Sam again (Yay!) and he made me go to the Tokonatsu Meet in Milton Keanes. Luckily he was paying for the tickets (which I feel bad about since they cost so bloody much X_X *needs a rail card*) but I still gotta finish the Comission for him.

I'm not sure how we get so close since it just kinda.. Happened on the train journey there, just talking and then arms slinked around one another and BOOM! People were saying we were Boyfriend and Girlfriend and we were glued to each other the rest of the day. Not that I mind. I actually enjoyed it very much. I had the giddy nerves again. Lol Joy to nice butterflies in your chest. He didn't actually ask me to go out with him till the Train journey back, which was the start of our adventures that evening.

But ya, according to him it was our first date and the adventure of traveling from train to bus to bus was the second. Even though his friend, Alec was there.

I cannae be arsed telling the whole story since I have 5 minutes till next lesson, but let's just say I had to crash at Sam's and we didn't get back till 5.

So that's how it all started. =3 It was a great trip I had to say, expensive on Sam's part (bloody taxi) and it took all mine, but it was good. I will have to pay him back when I can. *Neeeeeeds joooob* *Whine whine moan moan*

So Yar, a week later I got to go his place for the week end. One of the bet weekends EVA, especially since I dont get out alot and it was awesome hanging around with Sam again. I gots to meet all his Mum's cats again and I got shown round Liverpool some more. I also got bought some clothes, the jacket which I am wearing now, a lovely jumper top and some knick knacks. I will have to pay Sam back for those too, which I'm planning to get him something nice, but again, it's money.

I have my eye on something he might like, hopefully it will make him feel better since he's got some troubles at the moment too. :( Much love to him <3

Anyway, cutting this short since it's now class time.

I shall hopefully see the gorgeous Sam again soon! ALL MY LOVES SAM! <3 XXX

P.S. I seriously need to practise drawing more. -.- Toodles!
Current Mood: artisticartistic
Current Music: Marilyn Manson - The Nobodies
25 November 2006 @ 11:46 pm
What I am getting on about here is people and their awareness of disabilities. The one in particular I'm talking about is Autism.

I'm not saying that other disabilities that other people have are any worse or stressful to deal with, but I wish to make people aware because it's one that people can not just see straight away. In some cases you have know the person in order to know that have the disability. There are different degrees of Autism which does not help in identifying it, especially when the child is at a very young age.

Usually with other disabilities, they are identified at a young age. Autism is not identified until the child is older and is able to show the signs.

Here is some information I think you guys will find useful and perhaps help you understand.

Quote= "L and Autism" - Autism is a disorder with a neurological basis. Beginning in early childhood, a person may experience sensitivity to a number of different sensual stimuli, including lights, sounds, smells, tastes, tactile sensations, et al. This hypersensitivity may manifest itself in extreme avoidance of certain environmental aspects or stubborn clothing and food preferences. People with autism may also engage in self-stimulatory behavior by repetitively touching certain things, listening to specific sounds, and engaging in self-harm, among many behaviors. If overstimulated, the person may become extremely agitated or angry for no reason that is discernable to others. Other specifically neurological signs include difficulty with fine and/or gross motor control, prosopagnosia (or "face blindness"), difficulty understanding verbal instructions or speech (e.g. Central Auditory Processing Disorder), and extreme visual or auditory skill or memory (a "photographic" or "tape recorder" memory).

The social effects are generally more recognizable and insistent; people who are autistic are profoundly socially awkward. Most dislike large groups and parties, and many are not overly concerned with other people at all. Distinguishing the emotions of others is a constant challenge, as people with autism are not generally able to 'read' complex emotional body language in other people. Many avoid eye contact all together, or express an uncomfortable and excessive amount of eye contact (staring blankly). Objects and animals are frequently more immediately interesting and important than other people. People with severe cases of autism are most often mute or have substantial difficulties with language. They may not acknowledge other people, including family members, to any great degree, and often seem 'trapped' in 'their own little world.'

In short: "Autism is a life-long developmental disability that prevents individuals from properly understanding what they see, hear, and otherwise sense. This results in severe problems of social relationships, communication, and behavior." - End Quote

You may have noticed the name I had given the Quote. This is because my sister had found this site due to her new obsession with the manga Death note. She was reading it in Wikipedia (L being her favourite) and it showed a link to the site and a possible diagnosis for how he is. Naturally we checked it out, and found it extremely helpful in understanding the disability better. Especially since the person who did the site has Asperger's Syndrome.

Asperger's Syndrome can be classed as either a form of Autism or a separate syndrome.

Wither L is, or is not Autistic or has Asperger's Syndrome, I don't know. But he certainly has many AS traits and behaviors, plus it seems to be a popular belief.

If you want to read the site, please visit it here: http://www.drworm.net/lautism.htm

I suggest going there regardless of wither you know who L is or not. It answers questions about the disability Autism and is defiantly and interesting read, also giving you some point of view talk.

Not only does Autism effect the person who has it, but also their family. It can be very stressful on the parents and other siblings, how much can vary with the degree the disability is.

When out and about with an Autistic child and they start shouting and screaming about something that's upsetting them, the parents will usually be stared at making them feel judged. If the tantrum they have is an all out war against parent and child, this can create an awful atmosphere. The parents believing that everyone is judging them.

And not in the good way neither. This is going back to the fact that Autism is not easy to identify, especially for people who are not aware. The parents will start to feel like everyone thinks they are bad parents and are somehow mistreating their child. Mainly because everyone stares, and you always get the people who give Death glares and looks of disapproval.

Tantrums can usually be set off by the littlest things, or perhaps big ones. Either way, the reason why they kick off is perfectly reasonable in that person's mind.

Things that seem little to us, will seem big to them. An example I was given by a care worker for people with disabilities was about when she went to a lecture given by autistic woman about Autism.

It was apparently her WORST nightmare going out and talking to all these people in this one room but she managed to do it. However she kept stopping because there was this sound coming from outside that was annoying her. It was the sound of a drill, the windows were open, but no one in the room seemed to noticed until she repeated "I cant stand that noise" 5 or 6 times.

Another example I was given was how these people view things they don't like. If my brother (whom we are using as an example) does not want to eat a certain food, he would see it basically as a plate of maggots and he wouldn't dare eat it.

Some Autistic people don't wear shoes because they feel when they put them on, it burns the souls of their feet.

But I think I have given enough examples to make you aware of it. But I would also like you guys to think of the rest of the family as well.

The Parents feel guilty about how their child turned out (it happens with other disabilities, not just Autism, but it's still there) and they always feel that they are being judge if people stare at them while handling their child.

Parents of the child can also be split apart. They may live together, but they will sort of... Not be as close as they once were. This is due to they don't get much time to themselves, so they can drift apart. It's a terrible thought, but it can happen. But in other cases, it can bring them together closer then they have been before because they want to look take care of their baby basically. They will get through these times no matter what and they can be closer because of that.

Siblings may also feel left out and maybe jealous of the attention a child with disabilities gets. I know I have myself felt that at some points, but I shove that away when I think about it in the long run. Parents try to make it up to their child via food, toys and letting them do what they want in the house and giving them their own way.

It may not always be the case, but the brothers/sisters could feel that way.

For the siblings there is also a sense of... "Duty" they have. Trips out can be embarrassing, the same can be said for parents who have a toddler, but you hope they eventually grow out of it.

People with Autism don't usually, perhaps some can, it can depend of how they're raised and the degree of Autism it is. But some can't really defend for themselves if people laugh, or joke behind them behind their back or if rude and obnoxious people come up to them and try and shove them out of their way. So the siblings feel they should be there, and will do, regardless.

Not only is there that kind of duty, but siblings may feel that when their parents are too old to look after their child anymore, that they will have to take the responsibility. That they'd have to give up their possible dreams to look after their sibling.

I am not saying this is the case, but merely feelings other kids in the family can have. Some brothers/sisters end up hating their sibling because of how stressful it can be. Not just with Autism but with other forms of disabilities. Some families can get drawn apart, and others stick together to look after their child.

It's different for everyone.

But whatever the children feel, the Parents feel 10 fold, so please, just think about it.

I hope what I've put will enlighten you as to how life is for people with Autism (and perhaps others with a disability) is like, as well as their family.

So please, if you notice something similar to what I have submitted to where you are, don't just stand and stare like it's a freak show, or someones beating the shit out of kid. Just keep on walking, or perhaps in some cases, offer help in the nicest way possible.

We do not need death glares or to be judged. These people are fantastic and truly brilliant people. Just not everyone understands this.

[u]Why the hell are you doing this Journal entry? Haven't you just made disability sound bad?[/u]

As I said, I want to make people aware of how life it for them. If my brother could actually talk, he'd probably tell you how hard it can be. I just wanted to raise the facts abouts people with Autism because of how it is. I do not mean to put them down in anyway.

If people do, I will be upset because that would mean I am putting down my own brother. And I really do love my brother despite sometimes I feel I want to jump in a hole.

But this entry was done because of an event that happened today which was the worst my brother had acted in public. It made me painfully aware at how stupid and ignorant the world can be.

[u]What happened that was so bad?[/u]

My brother has severe Autism. Not only that but severe learning disabilities to top it off.

The day had started off really well. We had gone to the Trafford Centre (A mall in Manchester, England) and my brother was being well behaved despite the odd whine and moan because he was getting tired. It was still better then it had been.

We were coming of a store, my parents had gone on ahead with my brother because we were going down the stairs and my brother takes a while getting down them.

When me, my twin and my little sister (the middle child) came out and started down the stairs, we saw my little brother standing on the middle platform of the stairs, for some reason refusing to continue going down the stairs as though there was some monster waiting for him at the bottom.

Sadly he had to be moved due to people were trying to get passed and it was jam packed due to christmas shoppers.

We went down, but when we got to my brother I stayed to see what the problem was and asked him nicely while my siblings went to my mum and dad. I repeated that we were going to a different DVD store to get Pirates of the Carribean (which usually works in getting him moving again, it gives him something to look forward to and to motivate him to be a good boy) however he refused to budge.

He shouted and screamed at me, and told my parents the best he could to go away (he can't talk very much, his mind is like a toddler's just learning how to talk, it is coming along well though) and we tried to get him to go down more. Despite how nice we were being, he was still shouting and screaming, bringing the attention of the masses of crowd around us.

There was even a bitchy slag who just stormed up to him and expected him to move out of her way as though she was the Queen. I told her to fuck off, but what ya gonna do. She is one of the reasons why I want you guys to be aware.

Anyway, eventually the traffic of people we getting worse and my Mum and Dad had to get him down by force. (Sadly to say)

He kicked off even more and the crowd around yus was starting to thicken, top and bottom fo the stairs. Even people who weren't using the stairs were standing and straing. I was still trying to get my brother to calm down and get him to come along peacefully.

On the second middle platform of the stairs, a wonderful woman came up to use and tried to help us. She offered to get my Brother a drink and went off to do so as my parents took him down to the bottom floor finally. Two of the Mall staff waiting for my parents and looking at them as though they were beating the hell out of my brother.

When there, he just sat on the floor still crying and screaming, now hitting and lashing out at my parents, the crowd still staring, glancing and giving us glares of disgrace and shock. It was like we were the attraction of a drama gone bad. It was terrible.

Another woman at the beauty stand next to where we were offered to get him a chair to sit on, the other woman standing there however was not as nice and telling my parents off for not just leaving him there. It wasn't till my Dad mentioned he was special needs that she finally got it.

Yet another reason why I want to make you aware,

The woman from before had come back and bought my brother a drink from the nearby store and was really helpful. My Mum had broken into tears because of all the stares we had recieved and I was closing in on crying myself.

Seeing how upset my mum was, I went to move on the crowd, eventually breaking into tears myself. People seemed to move on and some just stopped glancing when they over heard my talking and explaining it.

Two other women told me how proud they were of me and my parents. They didn't see my twin nor my little sister because they were a few feet away. Though my little sister had actually run off because of how it upset her.

It was the first time things had been that bad in public. It was terrible. But my brother soon became his happy and lovable self afterwards.

But today it made me realise how unaware people are of of Autism. Because they're not in a wheelchair, people will find it harder to tell.

My heart is out to everyone who has Autism or AS, aswell as their siblings, parents and carers. Not to mention to everyone else who has a disability.

They really are amazing people when you seem them at their best. :heart:

If you have an questions, please post them in comments. I will be happy to answer them.
30 October 2006 @ 10:31 pm
Life sucks, enough said. lol
Current Mood: crushedcrushed
19 August 2006 @ 12:42 am

What does one put in an entry!? I've no idea.

Er.. Well.. What happened today.. I dressed as L from Deathnote! Why!? Because my friend mentioned it and I thought, "Hey! To drown my boredom, I'll be L for the day!"

I haven't even read Deathnote, so I had to be told what he was like. Plus I took requests.

Here are some pictures to amuse yourself with:

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v334/DkJournal/Lstoof/P8190016.jpg - Strangling the Owl
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v334/DkJournal/Lstoof/P8190017.jpg - L gets pissed off and eats the Owl

I think that's about it. There's more stuff on film, but... I can't put that on the comp right now. lol You'll have to wait for that!

Well, enjoy the L ness! Hopefully I can get my mits on some Deathnote Manga.

Current Location: My House
Current Mood: dorkyFear my Dorkiness!
Current Music: Emo Kid